


Losing My Religion

by cloudnine



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Catholicism, Established Relationship, Gratutious Spanish, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 09:37:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6605806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudnine/pseuds/cloudnine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kamui learns of Zero's upbringing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing My Religion

**Author's Note:**

> This is just me testing out the waters of a (completely self indulgent) Hispanic Zero who was raised without knowledge of dragons but had a catholic upbringing. It seems weird to incorporate real life aspects into a fictional universe with it's own lore and what not but considering religion has always been a topic in past Fire Emblem games I don't think it's a far-fetched idea.

At night, when the stars shine brightly on the purplish-blue sky and everyone has already sheltered themselves, Kamui returns to his room with tired arms and tired knees, longing to relax on his soft bed and in the arms of his lover after a long day. It was the favorite moment of the day for the prince, when he climbs up the long stairs to his quarters, reaching the blue wooden door and opening it to find his husband waiting inside as always. Not a night passed that Zero wasn't in their room first, sitting in the bed or reading a book by the small dinner table, the loving smile that appears always welcoming Kamui into the warmth of their chambers.

Tonight he comes earlier than usual, tapping lightly on the door before entering. Instead of finding his husband sitting on the bed he's on his knees, familiar beads wrapped around his pressed palms, Kamui seeing the glint of the cross on his middle digit. Ever since he had met Zero on that dark mountain he had gazed with curiosity at the necklace he wore around his neck, what he learned to be a cross after he asked Leon. He knew Zero was raised from customs so unlike his but he never truly knew what they were, only what Leon seemed to tell him, coming from an ancient religion who worshiped one God. A myth, Leon told him, but people from the underground cities of Nohr still practiced it and passed it down to their children. Even orphans were subjected to it, and Zero was no exception. It was a way of life and part of their culture. 

Still, he had never actually seen Zero practice it, to walk in on him murmuring low prayers, eye tightly closed, cross around his fingers was a sight to Kamui. He slowly closed the door, carefully silent as to not disrupt his serene posture, wanting to continue listening to his soft words.

_"Ruega por nosotros, Santa Madre de Dios. Para que seamos dignos de alcanzar las promesas de nuestro Señor Jesucristo. Amén."_

Kamui gives him a short wave of his hand when Zero turns around, a smile on his face as he separates his hands and stands up.

"I didn't mean to intrude, sorry." He whispers as he walks over to him. Zero trails his hand down his cheek and gives him the welcoming kiss he always expects. 

"There's no need to apologize. You merely returned earlier than I expected and caught me in the act."

Kamui lets Zero take his cape off, placing it over the chair. "Do you always do this before I come?" Zero nods and Kamui's eyebrows furrow. "There's no need to hide it from me, you know I respect anything you do, Zero."

"Yes, well..." He sighs and Kamui notices the beads were still on his hand. "I wouldn't want to burden you with my rituals."

"It's not a burden." Kamui says. "You're allowed to do what you please. I know it's part of your culture."

Zero chuckles. "I don't really have much culture,  _cariño._ Still, it's not something I can merely stop doing."

They sit besides each other on the bed, Kamui shrugging off his tight armor. "Tell me of it, Zero. I want to learn everything about you – that is, if you will let me."

His husband lowers his head, tracing his thumb around the cross. Kamui gives him a smile when he turns to him. "Alright. You know I've always wore this, even before you met me, and still do." He motions to the necklace. "Only now I also have this." Kamui chuckles as he shows him the ring on his finger.

"Yes, it's a cross. I asked Leon about it long ago. He told me it's the symbol that represents that religion." He's not sure if that was correct but Zero nods.

"It's called a _rosario._ Here," He opens Kamui's palm and places the necklace. To think he had known Zero for so long and he had never touched it, not even when they made love and Zero still wore it, the smooth wooden carving soft against his fingers. "Each bead represents a prayer and they help keep track of each one you recite."

Kamui hums in understanding but truly, he couldn't really comprehend. Being raised isolated in a fortress he didn't quite understand how prayers worked, or many things really, and his Nohrian family, apart from King Garon, didn't worship any God _or_ Gods. If he was raised in Hoshido like he should have he might understand Zero better, but tragically, that wasn't the case.

"It must be very confusing for you." There's an amusement in those words and Kamui nods slowly, unable to avoid his nature of being honest. Zero hums and Kamui turns to him. He stares while Kamui passes the open necklace through his head, placing it on his neck where it belongs. He touches it against his collarbone. 

"Some of the vivid and only memories I remember of my mother was of her teaching me how to pray, telling me in hushed manners the mantras I would continue repeating to myself every night. She told me no matter what I did I should always confess my sins to the heavens."

He scoffs, clear distaste in his expression and tone. "I wonder if she prayed for me after she abandoned me."

Kamui gazes at him with sadness prevalent in his crimson eyes.

"It's ironic how after I stole, killed and did the vilest of things I took the time to pray like my mother taught me. In a way, it kept me sane. It felt as if I was cleansing myself of my sins, and it was the only way I knew how."

There's a wrinkle in Zero's forehead below his bangs and Kamui wonders if he is getting old, if they both are. Zero continues.

"Now, it merely helps me sleep. Long ago I prayed every night for the angels she told me so much about to whisk my rotting body away from the hell I was living in. It's a habit I can't erase from my being."

He turns to Kamui, who gazes at him with tragic eyes, his pale hand placed on top of his. "I don't believe in angels or in Gods or in any of the words I pray every night anymore, not like I did once as a child. But deep down, I still feel the need to continue confessing, otherwise the guilt of my past deeds would eat inside of me."

He hadn't known Zero felt so guilty, but it was obviously part of his existence. Zero always acted as if all his clear memories started after Leon saved him, but it was apparent that he was sheltering remembrance he wouldn't utter to anyone he didn't trust enough – not even Leon knew. His consciousness wasn't clear. Now he understood why Zero would stay awake for long hours staring at the ceiling, the horrible nightmares that brought dark memories from his past unable to let him sleep.

"But that is a lie." Kamui's head turns curiously, a sudden soft smile appearing on Zero's face as he gazes at him. His hand, the hand that held tightly onto the rosary before strokes his cheek, soft circles that always lure Kamui to sleep. "I learned that angels are real. I've met two, in fact. The first being Lord Leon, who spared my life and saved me. The other," He's suddenly closer and Kamui lets him brush his hair back from his eyes. "Being you, Lord Kamui. You gave me a reason to want to live. Every night I pray for your well–being and that our days together will last for years to come. Even if I know there's no supreme deity out there listening to my wishes, I still continue. All for the sake of me and you."

As always he melts at Zero's words, especially now that he was confessing such a beautiful thing to him. To think Zero did all of those things, prayed for him while Kamui merely spend time with him made him feel as if Zero was giving him more than he deserved. 

No, he _was_ important to Zero. He always made sure to tell him for a reason. There was no cause for him to feel useless when he always stood by Zero's side and helped him get through the nightmares he tried to lock away within himself. He woke up early and took care of his robes, his boots, his bow. They both equally helped each other, which was something everyone always seemed to mention about their relationship. They were lovers, but more than that, they were friends, companions for life who understood everything about each other.

"You must be tired, as am I." A hand strokes the back of his neck and Kamui can't help the low laughter that he emits. "All this talk of religion makes me want to break a few rules," He presses his forehead to his, breathing against his cheeks before biting his lower lip. " _¿Me dejas?_ "

He's been with Zero long enough to understand most of his usual flirting. "Zero, you said you were tired..." The man sighs against his lips, standing up to put out the candlelight. He watches in the dim light from the moon entering the room as Zero takes his blouse and eye-patch off. Kamui extends his hand so Zero can step carefully over to the bed.

"I'll let you tomorrow, love." Even with the lack of visibility he can sees Zero's smirk as he lays besides him, still holding on to his hand.

They fall asleep steadily, Kamui holding tightly onto him, the other gently caressing the scars around his chest where the cross fell. 


End file.
